From the Desk of Madame Zuchini

Chains and Murders

There is an old saying: there are no atheists in a foxhole. One ponders this and asks: does Gaud resent being used only in times of need?  People do tend to pray in gaggles, (possibly a murder if there are crows involved) when they are in dire consequences. Is Gaud susceptible to nagging?

And then we have the prayer chain. A human chain, perhaps five or (heaven forbid more) of the Gaud fearing faithful, loudly wailing and rending their garments to beseech Gaud for his favors.  Believing as they do, that Gaud would not intervene in their affairs if not for their obnoxious begging and pleading. I suggest to you that if Gaud is all knowing, benevolent and a personal savior, he would not need the infectious whining of the masses to do what he either is or isn’t going to do. But no,the sycophants feel Gaud must be annoyed by thousands rather than one squeaky voice, in order to perform the miracle at issue, (please Gaud make him call me for a second date!).

Wouldn’t a hundred people all beseeching Gaud for one particular miracle amount to the cosmic equivalent of five children all begging their mother to take them to McDonalds?  If one child asks once the mother will say no,  if the child persists perhaps the mother will relent, if five children are jumping up and down begging loudly she is more liable to give in or to smack them, one way or another, though, the loud wailing and beseeching will get a response from a perhaps otherwise non responsive mother.  Is it true that Gaud will do the Will of the people if they protest long and hard and in murders, (the crow reference again, I couldn’t resist).  So does the persistant wailing and supplications really do affect the effect of prayer? Or are they just disembodied voices to Gaud, no more consequential than if they had literally been geese, (the gaggle reference).  It is childish, yet apparently strangely comforting.  Madame used to look with disdain on those who thought inundating Gaud with requests was useful, but it may well work. Who is Madame to judge?

So Madame suggests if one believes in a Gaud or perhaps is lucky enough to be certain of The Gaud one can pester and cajole Gaud into giving in to their needs and desires by conscripting a group of people to join in on the pestering and cajoling and thereby annoy Gaud into action, to their hearts content. Please Gaud take us to McDonalds! ( Let it not be crowded, don’t let that dork who waited on us last time be there Oh Please oh please!!)  Let me know how this works out for you. And don’t be afraid of being childish, it is all foolish childishness when one thinks about it, just also be prepared for a cosmic smack on the head, for, all this supplicating does is force Gaud into a response of some kind, not necessarily the response one desires.

Ah, a good double shot of Goldschlager sounds good about now. Madame out.