From the Desk of Madame Zuchini

What A Hot Mess

If today is your birthday, do not despair. If you are young you will wish you were older, if you are old you will wish you were young. Fret not, 10 is the  new 15, and 50 is the new forty, from that one could infer that 70 is the new 60 and Dead is the new 80. (Madame actually did invent that joke, however it has been stolen by a number of dull witted comedians, who, I am told garner huge guffaws of pleasure from this joke of mine. Whereas when the Madame tells it, people only say, “Mother, get over yourself”.) You may have someone special in your life who will give you a new object today for your house or perhaps your personal person. Perhaps you will get a series of lesser favored objects from lesser favored persons. Some of these objects you may like and some may cause you to wonder, “what in the hell made  her think I would like that?”.  Be sure and appear nice whatever the outcome.  Keep your feelings opaque.

For Capricorns there will be a short break in the work week after today; for our moody  Cancerians they will have the opportunity for fun and relaxation in the next two days than they have had all week, but they will blow it by dwelling on how long the work week was, and how their boss suddenly started wearing a pinkie ring. For our Aquarian friends they will find that in 3 days they will feel extra tired and put upon, as will Libras, Leo’s and Gemini’s. Take heart within five days you will have another few days of relief from toil and trouble, unless you have children then you will have to work your second job of cleaning, cooking and cajoling. Whatever your situation, remember as the wheels of a bicycle turn so will the wheels of life and we will once again return to the halcyon days of peace and prosperity.  Or not. (Probably not.)  In any event it is time for a cocktail – or two. Madame out.

The word for the day is: Translucent. As in: Do not let your feelings be translucent when you see the ugly earrings your sister got for you.