From the Desk of Madame Zuchini

One Day a Year

If today is your birthday, beware of people jumping out and yelling something at you. Perhaps you should wear old clothes so you do not spill your diet Dr. Pepper on your good blouse. You may be taken out for a meal, or if you have no friends, you may have to make your own meal. Madame warns against fire, depending on your age you could find yourself close to several tiny fires, try and blow the fires out in one burst of breath. It’s good luck! Wish for something important, like that creep George in HR to be fired in a humiliating way.

Hold your hair back if you have long hair or false eyelashes.¬† Beware of paper cuts as you may be ripping paper today. Perhaps have a small child help and let them get the paper cut. In any event you will be a year older, but in a cruel twist of fate, no wiser. ¬†Avoid too much alcohol as you have work tomorrow, unless you are unemployed, in which case drink up it’s your Birthday.

Word of the Day – Arsonist. As in: Anyone that puts more than the necessary amount of candles on your birthday cake. If there is a 100 candles on that cake, the birthday girl/boy better be one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel.