From the Desk of Madame Zuchini

Waxing & Whining

Madame predicts that these are the days of waxing and waning, as in coming and going, not  shaving and whining, although you may do those activities as well. But Madame is more concerned with your internal machinations. We are all cyclic, and though circumstances can certainly cast a pall on our moods, or produce a false optimism, we must all go with the flow, as it were, and accept the pulling tides of the moon.

Women often blame this on hormones, but physiology aside, we wax and we wane, (we grow and complain). What would we do without these cycles, each one needs a respite from itself. We cannot always be “up” and “positive”, we cannot always be “clever” or “poignant” we cannot always use proper “hygiene” or “manners”, we sometimes hit rock bottom and then in a few days are raised up again by unknown forces in the galaxy. I believe Frank Sinatra sang a song about this. But Madame prefers to call it Gaud, fate, hormones, a bad bowl of clams, but we will cycle back into another mood, regardless of circumstances.  Think of a time when you felt in the depth of an abyss, when life seemed nothing more than a malignant vortex of pain, public humiliatiion and death.  Suddenly, without warning, our star waxes again and we feel “hopeful” and “full of worth”. The worm turns. So do  not despair my young maidens or even us old crones, when the “shitz” hits be mindful that you will feel good again, despite your loser boyfriend or your life sucking boring job.

If you doubt me, think of a time when you felt wonderful, as if life were a bountiful cornacopia of romance, purpose and ice cream sundaes, did those times last?  No, alas, they did not, they passed on into the cycle of life, and so too, will the bad times, the painful, humiliating, confusing times. You will be up you will be down, you will wax and you will wane. We are all moon goddesses, and are pulled by the tides of the cycle.

So take heart, take hope and shove them under your pillow for another day, because Madame predicts rain this weekend, whether literally or figuratively. Life is not a lemon and you cannot make lemonade, what a smart ass lie that is. Just hang on tight and hold your breath, the water will toss you about like a salad, but you will eventually rise above the turbulent waves and be  set steady on the beach once more. Just wait for it……wait for it.  In the meantime carbo load. Make a big pot of spaghetti – and don’t forget the garlic toast. It smells if left too long in the broiler. Madame out.

Word of the day: precognition. As in: Madame has the gift of precognition, although it works best retroactively. As in: “Is your father dead? No? I didn’t think so.”