From the Desk of Madame Zuchini


Madame predicts it will rain. If not in fact, then in your heart. Many of you are enduring trials and tribulations, and you wonder: Why?  Not only is there no answer to this question, it’s not even a smart question. You should be asking Who?  Who did this to me and how can I get on his/her good side? The ancient question passed down through the ages as if by gnomes. The God gene. Some say we are born with this inherent desire to seek out our maker, the entity we call fate, luck, disaster – God.  But even Madame in her infinite wisdom cannot answer that question, at least not to everyone’s satisfaction.

Is it this God or that God, the God of my friend Sam for instance, or the God of my creme brulee supplier, also named Sam? (Coincidence?)  Some say there are no coincidences; small meaningless boons of chance. Others believe in synchronicities, a concept made popular by one Karl Jung, a psychoanalyst who invented coincidences, and then, when he found that coincidences had already been invented, changed the name to a pretentious and pedantic one.  For synchronicities are more than common causal coincidences. They are the meeting of matter and psyche. A cosmic coincidence if you will. The laws of physics tell us matter and psyche do not cross paths; that the subconscious is incorporeal and therefore cannot affect matter. But who has not thought, oh, but if only there were a place to get a drink, and then found themselves standing outside of The Live Bait Bar and Grill?   But does this new moniker also imbue meaning and purpose, as if by osmosis, to the person experiencing said cosmic coincidence?  It must dear friends!  To be a true synchronicity it must confer meaning into the life of the Receiver.  Without meaning it would be merely a coincidence, in which I don’t believe, for a coincidence is to synchronicity what a cherry tart is to a whiskey sour.  Oh, both involve fruit, if you will, but only one carries a punch.

Life is odd. Mysterious and dare I say mischievous. Is there an all knowing prankster behind these “coincidences”, reasons for the debacles that follow us around like an elderly driver uncertain as to which lane is the left turn lane?  Or is it only in fact a religious person chasing us in an election year?  (Madame has had her share, although most of them only wanted refunds.)  Dr. Jung would say yes, and Madame concurs.  But how does this preturnatural meeting of psyche and matter occur within the limits of the known world? Why, in the unknown world, of course, which is vast and unknowable at this juncture.  We do not yet know, what we do not know yet. So how can we say with any degree of moral certitude that it is wrong to declare the color yellow a disaster?

The unus mundus will answer all.  The united world underlying the illusory reality we call the waking world. Will it quiet all fears, reward all selflessness and punish all evil doers?  Yes, even you Elsie Golinski for soaking my hands in Rogaine while I slept.  Or will it? Will life after death be as random and unfair as life? Will we never get the last laugh, the caviar of revenge, our day in court?  I don’t know. Perhaps in a hundred years from now I will. (Oh, of course Madame will know in a hundred years, for I will be long gone from this mortal coil and in the arms of whatever idiot thought this all up). So if it is raining in your heart, take heart. The sun will come out, if not tomorrow then the next, or not. (Sometimes we have to wait awhile.).  We live moment to moment and to expect a full day of moments of happiness is asking too much. Asking too much of whom? You must find that in your rain soaked heart. Find the synchronicities that glisten on the edge of your corporeal subsistence.  Fear not, Madame is, as they say, “on it”. But answers – answers elude us all, and if any think they have the answer then I say to them: You need a drink, a stiff one. And, as Madame never ignores her own advice, she will join you in a double shot of 100 year old whiskey. Your turn to bring the whiskey. Madame out.

Word of the Day –  Deist. As in: Madame, although a deist herself, finds other deists to be cowards who cannot commit one way or another.  Perhaps they are just keeping their options open. Madame herself believes in being a deist who makes requests to God, as long as they don’t, apparently, involve feeding  war torn African countries.