From the Desk of Madame Zuchini

Gas bags and Other Beautiful Things

Insane in the Membrane. Persistence,  they say, is a virtue. Madame is on her third virtuous Chenin Blanc, and is pondering the stylings of the universe once again. That mad, mad world where parallel universes; a thousand earths, are supposedly only  a string theory away.   Worlds in which reptiles became the dominant species, or perhaps predator Pop Tarts.  Madame is a little inebriated, which only heightens her senses, but often makes it difficult to articulate said heightened senses. Insane in the membrane indeed. Some astrophysicists posit that the universe is itself a gigantic membrane, which may or may not contradict last night’s documentary on the eleventh dimension, a place, ostensibly, to which we do not want to go.

There are planets that are simply giant gas bags; a feverish collection of cosmic dust bunnies, much like the the lozenge you dropped between the refrigerator and the wall and being unable to reach it, facilitated turning it  into a minor planet of it’s own, with the wrapper being the moon. Are we tucked inside this womb like membrane, impervious to some disasters, yet fragile still to other dislodgings?  Who/what else is inside our membrane?

When a star goes supernova, ( among other majestic, wondrous emissions,) the debris field may eventually coalesce into proto planets; asteroids transmogrifying into their own worlds of  pulsars, moons, black holes and their quasars, all  surrounded by gas and dust.  Four billion years ago, (today) asteroids pummeled the Earth’s moon, during the Late Heavy Bombardment period, making the Earth stable in it’s orbit, like the baby bear’s porridge, the gravity was just right.  Whereas, before our moon was big enough to stabilize our random spinning, the Earth was one big dance floor onto which no one wanted to go. But once a zillion little  trifles were fixed, our fallow world could emerge.  The Earth along with Mars, Venus and Mercury were created when asteroids from the far side of our galaxy came tearing through space and bitch slapped us  into pre-sentience with a violent, feral cry.  Great heaving mountains in space,  laid low by gravity.

So many synchronicities  (another story) had to happen in order for the earth to lay a foundation for life. Ah, Parallel Universes. M-Theory, String Theory, Chaos Theory. Which one are we in? I hope it’s the good one. But it seems to Madame that there is an intricate connection. That we, like the universe, are made of energy and matter, and matter is, well, matter, no matter how you shape it. Energy does not die, therefore, we will not die, our energy will go on, but on into what – a gas giant?  The sparkling rings of Saturn? And is the X factor that sent the asteroids raging toward earth to bombard our incipient planet with ice and water and  therefore oxygen create all that we know of today;  the hustles, the bustles, the chewing gum on the bottom of your shoe, broccoli even?  Or did…. Gaud do it?  Perhaps Gaud did do it in seven days, but how long is a day? Perhaps today is only the eighth day, or to give Gaud a break, the 9th. And is the Universe any less or any more  fantastic and incomprehensible than it would be if a  Gaud; a great deity had snapped his fingers and created the Universe on let’s say, Wednesday? Is that a leap too steep for us to take? What difference does it make? A couple billion years… Wednesday…. whichever you find less distasteful.

I  have a small problem with the Gawd theory though. How many times have you heard religious people say they are gawd fearing people? Is our expansive, transcendent gawd really capable of sending more than half his prodigies over the cliff to  hell? The Gawd of the Old Testament says yes. Gawd’s actions in that half of the bible, make it clear he has no compunction against slathering people with boils and death. Believe me, if I believed in Wednesday, I’d be fear based too. However when you think of the electro magnetic field held together by iron at the earth’s core, you wonder…you wonder. Is the existence of the Universe anymore bizarre than the story of Gawd?

If you think of your life as insignificant in the face of this majesty of the universe, think again. For we are the universe, starlight, energy that never dies, matter made up of the stuff from the first sub-atomic pinch of salt. We are all giant gas bags, and that is something to say. So live each day like a beautiful supernova on your way to becoming a nebula, and watch those documentaries on tv so Madame doesn’t have to try and understand them. She’s way too drunk.

Oh and if today is your birthday, insist on others making a big deal out of it. I can’t stand it when people say, it’s just another day. It’s the day you were welcomed into the family of man. REJOICE!  And Happy Birthday Rusty.

I could  use some spiked punch.  Madame out.