From the Desk of Madame Zuchini

Pickleman’s War

Madame predicts there will be war and stirrings of war, earthquakes and fear of earthquakes, in other words the world spins on, even in the remote environs of the rain forest. Mad men will come forward and speak of the inferiority of other men for reasons defying logic. Some will listen to these mad men, others will speak out against them, most of us will just fume for a moment in private and then let it go.

Apathy, the scourge of civilization and the focal point of Mr. Pickleman’s war with the Condo Owner’s Association.  Yet, the alternative is activism and that can get you killed (Malcolm X, Harvey Milk, Pickleman’s nephew for planting tomatoes next to the condo dumpster).  Should we just allow people to park their Mercedes a little too far into the next parking space and do nothing? Or should we leave a card on the windshield with a message that may or may not include the phrase, “sorry about the scratch”? Either way your heart rate will go up, and at best you may have a great ice breaker for a party.  Perhaps we should just enjoy our day in the sun and forget about it and be lethargic to apathy. Who knows how long we have on this here earth and where we will go when we leave.  Some think they know, but until you’ve been to a place you cannot experience it or know for sure where the bathroom is.

There will be murders and rumors of murders but don’t let that stop you from running after your proverbial bus. The time has come for strength of character and standing out amongst your peers. Do your protests in public and stand up for your beliefs, however screwy they might be. Madame will refrain from listing them. Good can come from adversity as well as victory. So be on guard, yet enjoy yourself. Crime happens, but chances are it won’t happen to you. Love thy neighbor and don’t roll your eyes at old people ahead of you in line at the grocery store. With kindness we can change the world.  Or at least the outcome of the debate between Mr. Pickleman and the Condo Association on Thursday, where they will discuss, among other issues, the proper dress code for using  the community pool and barbecue.

Madame is parched after this explosion of precognition.  I shall slake my thirst with a mint julip.  Madame out.

Word of the day – Consanguinity. As in: Madame gets her vodka at a bulk discount due to the close familial relationship between herself and her vodka wholesaler, Burt (4th cousin twice removed).