From the Desk of Madame Zuchini

An Essay of Life

Well wonders of wonders the Madame is back. Or front depending on where you are standing. And that’s what I’d like to pontificate about – Standing.  In a court of law if one has Standing that means they  have judicial authority to be involved in a particular case at issue. In life, standing is something we do on the corner, in our bedroom, or in a line for some trivial item such as  buying a lottery ticket, (for which Madame has no  need).

Now why would one be standing on the corner? Waiting for a ride? A prostitute? Let’s start with our working girl theory. She has had a life, perhaps a bad one, perhaps an abused one, or not, and for whatever reason has decided to sell herself like a trained monkey. For $50 dance monkey dance. Or is it so?

For who is the real fool?  The lady who performs for a negotiated price, or the man behind the wheel so desperate for “love” that he is forced to pay for a party? The feminists say the prostitues are demeaning to women, that they help men objectify us. But who is doing the objectifying? Who lives in the real world?  The “good” women pretend they know men, they believe they know these women who sell themselves. But who can know a person unless they’ve lived in their shoes, smelled them perhaps? Washed their socks and sewn their buttons on. Ah, buttons, how the respectable women like to push them. While the “bad” girls know how to get what they want, need, without making a person crazy from being asked to take out the trash one too  many times.

I would posit that the “honest” woman is the prostitute, while the “bad woman” is the one who hides behind respectability and pretends that only sweaty- palmed overly- cologned disgusting  men go to strip clubs.   Now, not every man will avail himself of this opportunity, and 30 pieces of silver to him. Men will objectify women as long as women wear thong bikini’s. As long as the cover of Cosmopolitan has “ten ways to titillate your man’s nipples” or,  “How satin sheets can make auto eroticism more comfortable”.

Let’s face it, women are complicit in their own objectification, we coddle and mollify our independence and equality and try to keep our “count” of men with whom we’ve behaved “badly” down to a minimum, and often fail, thereby creating a life of puritan guilt, which is in itself demeaning to women.  Our very idea of “good” cheapens us and makes us partners in this world of men, who believe they have the Standing to determine our place in the world. We become investors in the universal construct that determines our fate and our self-destiny. To cheapen oneself is subjective. We must stand in solidarity with all, sever the pride that is conceit in “equality” and devise a new paradigm for woman and for man.

If the prostitute wants to put it all on the table and be honest about it, who are we to …well, object?  As  for standing in your bedroom, perhaps you need to cut the Prozac in half.

Ah the boy has arrived with my appletini. Madame out.